trapped...

I have been focussing lately on my new life, and the reality is that i'm becoming a bit of a prisoner in my own home.
not that i resent my kids or their dependancy on certain things. i love them and everything about them.

i guess i'm just so aware now of how much i needed the time out of the house when i had just the two children, and when Mikeys sensory problems weren't as prevalent.

having 3 children under a certain age makes shopping trips complicated for the fittest mum... making sure they dont run off, dealing with tantrums about wanting certain things they can't have... wanting to go to the toilet every 5 seconds... annabelle....


but i find myself in a difficult situation when i need to go out for even the smallest of things like milk and bread... or a new pair of socks... or to the post office.

Mikey is at the point now where no matter where we go - shops, friends house, even just getting into the car - he simply can't handle it. he either screams and carries on or must be carried...
I dont mind carrying Mikey... and thank goodness Belle is obedient and Zoe is super content when we're out and about... but to push a pram with two little kids in it AND carry a big 4yo kid who doesn't even hold on properly is difficult.

I miss the days when i could grab the kids with 10 minutes notice, put them in the car with their drinks and a packet of crackers or a banana each, and head to the store, pile them into the pram and speed walk around the shops..

i miss being able to go outside without mikey screaming at me from the back door because he wants me to come back inside with him because he wont go outside.

i miss being able to go for a drive in the car without mikey carrying on because i accidently let slip that we were going out instead of just surprising him with it.

it would be so nice to have that freedom back.

the silver lining to this... my house is almost always clean and tidy... almost ;)